My breakup this year with my Canadian ex-boyfriend left me in an emotional upheaval of sorts, understandably. I was upset and frustrated, and the timing could not have been worse. I had just returned (hours earlier, in fact) from a moderate in length trip to Iran, my first back home in nearly 12 years. This trip highlighted a very important fact about my relationship with my ex, that eventually it seems he could not deal with: I had other priorities. Everyone has their priorities in a sense of course - work, school, different friends, etc. I also had the weight of Iranian cultural expectations on my shoulders and the pressure started taking it's toll, however imperceptibly at first.

I grew up in quite a liberal family, a veritable contrast to what is stereotypically seen as an Iranian tradition of conservative values and stifling lifestyle expectations. That doesn't mean however that some sort of cultural expectation wasn't present, and one thing I was always made to understand implicitly was the importance of marrying an Iranian, preferably one whose family was known to mine. Of course, my parents never went so far as to forbid me to marry outside my culture; their influence only extended to subtle reminders as to how much certain things (like culture, background, family, etc.) help a relationship, and to the extent that I understood how comparatively successful endogamous marriages are, I agree with them. It helps of course that I'm certain I would never have to explain my anger at certain political events, the importance of attending Iranian community functions, my interest in the continuing improvement of Iranian-Canadian relations, or my need on occasion to spontaneously erupt into singing "Ey Iran", to a Persian boyfriend (but that could be because my ex was rather oblivious to things that were't about, well... him). However, I'm also quite prodigiously proud of my Iranian heritage and love the idea, for myself and my future children, of continuing in that tradition.

It's funny - I don't really know why I am thinking about this so much these days. It could be any number of things. I recently turned 22 and all around me, marginally older cousins and friends are getting engaged and I feel my relatives subliminal questions as to the occasion of my own future marriage (or not so subliminal really: leaving a family gathering last night, my uncle expressed his wish that we would next meet at my wedding); having recently come out of a long relationship I am thinking hard about the kind of relationship I want to get into next. I picked up the book "Marriage: A History" this week by Stephanie Coontz, and she talks a lot about the changing face of marriage, one in which cultural background doesn't mean as much. I remember thinking "it does to me". So, on that note, I suppose all that's left to say is if there are any eligible Iranian men in Toronto...

n.b. That last bit was a joke. Thanks.